Strongly Worded

A Strongly Worded Glossary

Today I had a completely delightful lunch at A.'s, which, as usual, filled me with both nutritional and spiritual nourishment. It was the best lunch in ages. It became apparent during lunch that a lexicon has emerged lately. Below please find the highlights of vocabulary you may encounter herein:

Bonding. Definition: meaningful social interaction. Origin: me. Usage: We had lunch last week, but it was kind of rushed, so we didn't get to bond.

14 Billion Years. Definition: a long time. Origin: me. Usage: It took 14 Billion years to get the snow off my car after that storm.

Boy Apartment. Definition: an abode with technology as its focal point, and an absence of cutlery. Origin: unknown. Usage: I love that he has on-demand, but it's such a boy apartment and I had to eat my cereal with a fork.

Breastfeeding. Definition: immaturity and overdependence on one's mother. Origin: Spain. It was fun doing flamenco with him, but he's still breastfeeding, and I'm looking for someone much more mature.

Conversational Narcissist. Definition: one who won't shut up. Origin: Sociology 101. Usage: I feel like a conversational narcissist going on and on about my work issues.

Departure Mode. Definition: transitory, uninvested. Origin: my friend N. when she moved to Atlanta. Usage: I'm totally in departure mode, so I'm not going to bother being nice to the office manager during my last week at work.

"From the Community." Definition: disparaging reference to the politically correct euphemism for disadvantaged, at-risk, or of-color. Origin: K's anti-hunger work. Usage: They wanted her to speak even though she had no interest in the cause because she's "from the community" and they thought the teens would relate to her."

Garbage Eater. Definition: progressive to a fault. Origin: my friend E., who coined the term to describe one of my boyfriends who attended a protest in which all the participants ate garbage in solidarity with the poor. Or something. Usage: I think you'll like him. He's liberal, but not a garbage eater.

God's Waiting Room. Definition: A nursing home. Origin: A.'s mother-in-law.

Hein. Definition: heinous, awful. Origin: college. Usage: I can't believe he liked that sweater. I made it disappear. It was so, so hein.

Hobligations. Definition: unwanted holiday obligations. Origin: also my beloved friend A.P.., who hates Christmas. Usage: I hate Yankee Swaps, company holiday parties, and all those other hobligations.

Nipping Out. Definition: protrusion of nipples through a shirt, usually due to cold. Origin: my friend Rebecca, who worked in an over-air-conditioned building. Usage: I'm so embarrassed that my boss saw me without my sweater--I was totally nipping out.

Prospect. Definition: someone I might go out with. Origin: me. Usage: He's funny and cute, but he's not a prospect because he's fully gay.

Secret Date. Definition: a date which is not discussed until after it happens. Origin: my friend R., who used to only get after-the-fact upDATES. Usage: Dori, did you really have a boring weekend, or did you have a secret date?

Skills. Definition: sexual dexterity. Origin: unknown. Usage: he was the hottest guy I ever dated, but it didn't matter, because he had no skills.

Vortex of Gloom. Definition: depression. Origin: my former roommate's mental health. Usage: I can't stand living with J.. I feel sorry for her, but it's out of control. Her mother is staying with us for the second week in a row, taking care of her and helping her get out of bed every day. She's been sucked into the vortex of gloom.

Wa. Definition: Weird and Awkward. Origin: my beloved friend A.P.. Usage: That party was so Wa. All the guests were anti social.

Am I missing anything? Come on, now! Post away!

Posted by Dori at 6:24 PM