Strongly Worded

Not My Finest Hours: Part II

So yesterday I had a big meeting with the eleven higher-ups at work, and I am not too happy with my performance. To be fair (to myself): the meeting is tough by definition. In this meeting, I report on my activities, the financials, goings-on, and so forth, and the higher-ups ask questions and give feedback and (sometimes) volunteer to do things.

One of my Cardinal Rules of Professional Conduct is to send out detailed and well-written reports BEFORE all big meetings, so that, presumably, people can read the report beforehand. The report speeds up the meeting, allows me to articulate exactly what message I want to get across, and allows me to rustle up exact numbers and figures (so I'm not floundering during the meeting). It is also my hope that by circulating the report well in advance, anyone who has questions will email or call me BEFOREHAND, so that I can find out the answers with dignity, and not blather cluelessly in public.

I know you'll be shocked to know that this rarely happens, and that even the ones who actually read the report in advance come to the meeting ready to RAKE ME OVER THE COALS with questions that make me feel dumb and defenseless (aka: "why did you write that we're losing $4,000 on this deal when we discussed ad nauseum that our investment would be protected? And why don't we have documentation of the terms of this agreement"?).

What I should have said: "Yes. I know we went back and forth on putting the terms in writing, and it still hasn't happened. We're not really going to lose $4,000. But I wanted to highlight how the project is over budget."

What I did say: "It's just math. Our investment is protected. And I tried really, really hard to get the agreement in writing. Really hard." [the last part I said shamefacedly, petulantly, because I had been trying for months to get this group to put the terms in writing and have given up].

Later: a long discussion about our presence at an upcoming community event. It's on a Saturday, and I don't want to go for many reasons, of which one is that I have to work at Houseware Heaven one whole weekend day, and I don't want to spend the other weekend day at my "real" job, sitting at a table under a tent and handing out pamphlets. None of the higher-ups wanted to go to this event either. One of them PUT ME ON THE SPOT and said: "you should really go to this event. It's a great way to get to know the community."

What I should have said: "I know, I really wish I could be there, but I have another commitment. I know you will do us all proud as our representative."

What I did say (defensively): "I can't go. I go to nine million other things for this job, and I can't go to this one."

I hate that after over a year of employment, these meetings still unhinge me, and I spend hours afterwards justifying and second-guessing what I said- and -- worse, worrying about why I didn't get the agreement in writing or whether I should agree to go to the event. I wish I was a lot more confident and could shrug off this ridiculousness.

I'll keep you posted on that. Maybe in my next report.

Posted by Dori at 7:19 AM