Strongly Worded

Boar By Boar

One of my friends is somewhat interested in a guy, and we've talked at length about their plan-making process, which has, thus far, been characterized by vaugeness, confusion, and lack of commitment. Together, we've been pondering why it so hard to establish a time to hang out. What is it with boys and plans? Why do they insist on making plans on the day of? Are boys just genetically indisposed to concrete decisions?

My friend and I have discussed possible explanations for this behavior, tracing it back, as always, to the cave days, when humans learned to walk upright, use the wheel, and adapt behaviors that would frustrate one other for thousands of years to come. In the cave days, we reckon, the men brought in the wild boars, and the women brought in the wild berries. And did the men know in advance when the wild boar might hurtle by? Of course not. They had to be poised at all times for armed pursuit. That meant they couldn't commit to hanging out by the bonfire at any specific time, or agree to canoodling by the cave with any advance notice. Everything was--and remains--minute-to-minute, boar by boar.

The women, on the other hand, have always known where the berries are, where they grow, and how long they take to harvest. Since the beginning of time, we have artfully balanced cave cleaning, childbearing, and berry gathering (or the equivalent). Thus, we've developed capacity and desire for foresight.

When I shared this theory with my male friend A., he snorted.

"It's not about food," he said, predictably. "It's about sex."

According to A., women are all about predictable cycles. Cavewomen cared less about berries than they cared about babies. They knew when they were fertile and when it was the best time to get monolithic. There was no point in procreating on the wrong day of the cycle--better to spend that time talking about feelings. The guys, meanwhile, have always wanted (and been equipped for) action at all times.

According to A., this explains why men don't need to plan and women wish they would.

Posted by Dori at 9:56 PM