Strongly Worded

A (Somewhat) Preemptive Strike

My lease is up on May 31st. After a lot of soul-searching, I’ve decided to stay in my current apartment, which is as cute as it is impractical (one closet, no dishwasher, troubling kitchen configuration, undersized living/dining area).

By far, the worst aspect of my living situation is my relationship with my landlords. I dislike them intensively. They scrimp on the heat, leaving me shivering and goose-pimply. They are one-note emotional beings: all rage, all the time. I hear them yelling at one another and at the unfortunates who visit them or call them on the phone. They yelled at me when the plumbing made scary noises. They yelled at me during a blizzard, when I tracked a microscopic trail of snow into the hallway. They yelled at me when I inadvertently left the front door unlocked, and again when I left the basement light on.

But I’m staying. My reasoning:
1) There is no way I can buy a condo before my lease runs out in three weeks (or anytime soon, barring a financial miracle);
2) My career ambitions may take me in new and yet unknown geographic directions; and thus
3) I don’t want to move more than once in the next two years.

I’ve been avoiding having the Lease Conversation because I’m terrified that the landlords will raise the rent. I should have brought up the topic on 5/1, 30 days notice, all that. But I put it off and off because I hate talking to them and being yelled at.

Yesterday I bit the bullet.

Me (meek and faux-cheerful): Hi, it’s Dori, from downstairs. [exchange of pleasantries]

Landlord: WHY DO YOU WANT TO RENEW THE LEASE? ARE YOU AFRAID WE’RE GOING TO KICK YOU OUT?

Me (even meeker): No, I just want to make sure we’re all set for the next year—we put things in writing last year, so I want to make sure we’re OK now.

Landlord: WHY DIDN’T YOU BRING THIS UP ON MAY 1st? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE 30 DAYS NOTICE! TECHNICALLY 45 DAYS NOTICE!

Me (suddenly terrified that they assumed I was leaving and have plans to take over my cute apartment): I want to RENEW my lease. I thought you understood that, this is just a formality.

Landlord: WELL, I CAN’T TALK ABOUT THIS NOW. I’M HAVE TO GO.

Me: (Grasping at straws): But does this sound OK to you? Can I assume we’re all set, and just need to sign some paperwork?

Landlord: I CAN’T TALK NOW. WE’LL TALK LATER. GOODBYE.

After a small panic attack, and a quick browse through the craigslist apartments section, I developed a plan, which, if effective, will avert both a face-to-face interaction and a rent increase.

I revised last year’s lease (a little white-out and photocopying and presto! Updated!). I left the rent the same. I made two copies and signed mine. I wrote a friendly statement explaining the difficulties of coordinating all our schedules and suggesting they sign their copy and eliminate further complications.

Here’s hoping.

Posted by Dori at 12:02 PM