Strongly Worded

Wanting, Wishing, Hating

The following has been circulating around the blogosphere lately, and was done especially well by marigoldie, maven, and madness.

Here goes.

I AM a cynical idealist.

I WANT a loving relationship. Also: a bed with a headboard, my own condo, a better work situation, comfortable black dressy sandals.

I WISH I had more of a spine and more faith in the future. Also: less anxiety. I would take medication if it didn't lower seizure threshold.

I HATE my landlords. I don't think I've ever hated anyone before, but I am experiencing a real visceral reaction to their nastiness and mean-spiritedness.

I MISS my close friends who don't live in my area code.

I HEAR birds chirping outside. And also the college-student household next door packing up for a Memorial Day outing. Soon I will also hear my eclectic mix of recent iTunes downloads, which includes Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise" and "Vision of You" by her awesomeness Belinda Carlisle.

I WONDER what my life would have been like if my parents had never moved to this country.

I REGRET devoting so much stress and worry to school/grades. I would have had so much more fun without the GPA obsession.

I AM NOT laid back. So many people (especially online dating prospects) describe themselves as such. I, in constrast, am tightly wound and high strung. I own it.

I DANCE pretty badly, and only in private, although I've taken classes in flamenco, modern dance, and ballet. I despise club dancing and can't imagine doing the type of vertical-sex-with-clothes moves that are featured on MTV.

I SING very badly, and only in the car.

I CRY constantly: when I'm upset, moved, or happy.

I'M NOT ALWAYS nice.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: crooked/uneven sewing projects, a "scarf" that I've knit and unknit for the past two years, all kinds of food.

I WRITE a lot here, and a lot in my head (life unfolds in blog-worthy installments). My "official" writers' workshop aims to create accountability, a forced forum for writing. I find that this blog has the same effect.

I CONFUSE flux with crisis.

I NEED a delicate balance of alone time and socializing.

I SHOULD get dressed right now and take the clothes out of the dryer before they wrinkle. I should also just "shake off" Friday's scary work confrontation.

I START every workday with at least 30 minutes of blogging/blog reading, email, and other Internet stuff.

I FINISH every day with joy because I love sleeping so much.

Posted by Dori at 10:46 AM