Strongly Worded

My Contract Job Involves Calling Strangers to Set Up Interviews

What I've been saying, in a perky, friendly voice:
"Hi, my name is Dori, I'm a consultant working for [Influential Lobbying/Trade Group]. The Group's Director sent out a memo a few weeks ago, asking your boss to connect me with someone in your office. I'm calling to follow up and set up a meeting. Please give me a call back when you can; if you're not the right person to speak with, please let me know who is. Thanks so much!"

What I've been wanting to say, in a mad, pissy voice:
"Hi, my name is Dori, and I have taken on the hellish task of getting information from 8 billion member institutions and then writing a snappy report. Many of the other members are bigger and more prestigious than yours, and yet they have responded to my requests. In contrast, your boss never got back to the Association's director and did not respond to the memo in any way. So I spent approximately 6,000 years picking through your poorly organized website to find your name. I called about 19 of you colleagues trying to figure out that you're my man. I sent you an email and called you and you won't call me back. It sucks that eventually I will have to meet you in person and act grateful for your time, but I will ensure that it happens because it's in my contract to do it. I know voicemail and email are hard to manage. Maybe you need this message to be sent via carrier pigeon? A singing telegram? Too bad. I can't expense poultry or performance art. So call me the fuck back."

Posted by Dori at 8:36 AM