Strongly Worded

Banter Boy Comes Back

So remember Banter Boy? The guy I dated in the spring? Who built me an ergonomic desk, helped paint my living room, and is the self-designated middle linebacker of Team Dori?

Despite our regular google-chats, BB has been out of the picture lately. I've attributed this to his protracted bronchitis, and also to the appearance of a woman in his life. I think he has met someone, but I don't want to ask because I don't want to know. I hate it when my exes find love; I am jealous that way. It is my nastiest quality.

Anyway. So yesterday I was full of stress and I was google-chatting with BB, with whom I was borderline pissed. I made him soup for his protracted bronchitis and he forgot to pick it up (I left it in a mutually convenient pick-up location) over a four-day period. So we were chatting and he asked if I was home. Of course I was home. Where else would I be?

I made the colossal mistake of asking where he was. His response: "Out."

I got all furious. Because "Out" clearly means: "lolling around in the bed of my hot new girlfriend while she showers and washes her long red wavy hair [he has a thing for redheads] after our marathon night/morning of passionate sex."

"Out" is a very inappropriate place from which to be emailing a former love interest. I got all snarky and wrote that I had to go; I was on my way to the gym. BB entreated me not to leave.

Why? Because he was stuck in traffic on his way to surprise me and cheer me up and distract me from my stress.

My mind is a dark and scary place, my friends.

Posted by Dori at 3:35 PM