Strongly Worded

Boys, Guys, Men

So I've been spurned by the Canadian. It's a shame, really. I liked him and he's a good listener and I know all too well how rare and wonderful that is. In one of our first conversations, I introduced the concept of boys vs. guys vs. men, and Canadian was tickled by this, and asked me to elaborate.

In a somewhat simplistic response, I said that a boy never calls (either because of lack of courage or lack of interest), a guy calls after a week (because of stupid-ass games), and a man calls the next day. I understand that in dating parlance, a lack of follow-up tacitly conveys a lack of interest (as the SATC cliché goes: "he's just not that into you"), and that is cool. However, it is not cool at all when one of the date participants has clearly conveyed feelings to the contrary. I followed up with Canadian yesterday, and proposed a third get-together, and asked him to tell me either way if he was down. If yes, I figured, then let's get things going, like now, because if I'm going to fall in love I would like it to happen as soon as humanly possible. If not, I'll be disappointed, but can at least stop checking email and obsessing. I will move on with my life and go out with some other people who will surely provide good blog fodder if not lasting love. A non-response just sucks. It is boy behavior. It is fitting, perhaps, for a native of a country under totalitarian regime. It is not acceptable coming from a native of Canada, known for its progressive politics, pure maple syrup, and friendly, eh-emitting residents.

I was going to continue in this vein, and talk about the differences between men and guys, but ultimately the distinction is very case-by-case, and in many ways akin to p*rn, which, to use another cliché, one knows when one sees. I would add, though, that despite his sucky non-follow-
up, Canadian appears quite manly. He is a homeowner (evidence of stability and the desire to establish roots and all that), he is close with his family (and even helped his divorced mom navigate the ins and outs of online dating), he seems to really get relationships (and described an intercultural romance in a pretty awesome, insightful way), and he appears to have a healthy social life, set of intriguing hobbies, and ability to balance professional and personal goals.

Alas. There are probably good reasons why he perceives a lack of fit, but there aren't so many available men out there these days, and culling through the guys feels very unappealing.

Posted by Dori at 8:13 PM