The Deluge Abates (and upDATE #500,224)
The flood of JDates is pretty much done, but after IP Boy, there was one more date with this writer.
We had a nice coffee date in which it became apparent that:
1) He's cute in a very nerdy, edgy way
2) He's smart and cultured
3) He's not into babies
4) He's kind of a loner, and has a few close friends in other states
So I have some concerns about items 3 and 4. While I was happy to commiserate with him about the (generally detrimental) impact that other people's babies have on one's social life, and even express my fear of someday becoming an uber mommy who uses the term play date without scorn, I still like to think of myself as a future parent, and would like to be with someone who entertains that notion as well. The writer has two nieces who live nearby, and he has only babysat on a few occasions and thus far never changed a diaper. Worrisome.
Further, he talked about how he's kind of a solitary guy. Playing sports is his main social scene. He has some close friends but they're not local. While this is totally cool and no reflection of his possible loveliness, my aforementioned social life could use a jumpstart right about now. Too many of my friends have defected to other states or suburbia, so ideally, my future husband will be part of a cool crew. We'll all bond and have dinners together, and picnic on the fourth of July, and play Taboo on snowy evenings, and maybe help each other with interior painting.
Me and the writer will probably hang out again, but I'm just saying.
Posted by Dori at 7:23 PM
5 Comments
I think that you are quite right to be concerned. I went out with a similar guy, who kept asking during early dates how close I'd been to marriage in the past (it turned out that his most serious ex-girlfriend had dumped him when he refused to marry her, and eventually married one of his best friends). He seemed to have a lot of commitment issues, and I refused to go out with him a third time. This guy either really isn't into kids, or he doesn't quite realize what things you should never say to women in their childbearing years early in a relationship. If you had fun with him, you can go out with him again, but he is showing some very odd signs for long term potential.
loners suck. Especially loners who play sports. Dump him like an old dishrag.
You've been watching far too many sitcoms..
Two things, First, my now husband was totally not a kid person, he loved his niece and nephew but could not see himself with a baby. THis does not mean he was not planning on having kids once he got married (we do and he is totally dad of the year). Secondly, he is not that social, as most guys I know aren't. He would rather hang with me/us, than having a "game night" with others. I have to agree with the poster who said something about the sitcoms. He is not necessarily a loner, but anything we so social (from the time we started dating) I pretty much arrange. Many, many of my friends marriages are just like that.
Seems to me that 1 and 2 are more important to you than 3 or 4. You've got lots of friends and keep making more, and have your own fears and questions about #3. It is tempting to look to a relationship to fix all that ails you. But that is never never how it works. Especially not at the beginning. Sometimes it happens after lots of work. Generally when the "perfect" guy comes along there's trouble in River City, because it means there's more fantasy than reality involved.
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