Strongly Worded

This Is My Brain On Drugs

So if you've read this blog for any length of time you'll know about my long and depressing health history, and that I've had frequent migraines since my teen years. Periodically, I get these intractable headaches that don't go away for months, and I've had one since late March. Basically I have a headache at some point of almost every day, with a handful of consecutive pain-free days to write home about. I consider this a truly boring topic, and do not discuss it much because when I do, people either feel sorry for me (which is awkward, and there's a fine line between compassion and pity) or they tell me stories about the migraines of their friend/husband/cousin, or they ask if I have tried one of the billion things (Imitrex, biofeedback, tea, cold compresses) that I promise you I have. I know people are trying to be helpful, but well-meaning input gets very, very old.

Anyway. After three courses of steroids and many tests and appointments (and much neurological complexity that I will spare you, and no, I do not have a brain tumor), my specialist (who is both a neurologist and a headache guru) has come up with a cocktail of new drugs. One of them costs $10 per pill (and works about as well as the old one, which costs "only" $6 per pill - and this is the co-payment, people, for Harvard Fucking Pilgrim insurance, not some no-frills health plan).

But the truly weird thing? Said drug, along with the two other medications, has a lovely array of vague side effects, and at any given moment I have no idea how I feel. I got home from work today and did not feel like going to the gym and wondered if that is just run-of-the-mill laziness or drug-induced depression and/or lethargy and/or drowsiness? Earlier I was edgy - was this straight-up work drama, or was it related to the other drug which can cause anxiety? Is my headache better or worse than it was last week? Is the posh drug kicking in? And appetite? Hello? Are you lost yet? Or am I just too lazy to make dinner? And finally: what about that typo earlier? Am I experiencing "mental cloudiness"?

Posted by Dori at 7:50 PM