Strongly Worded

Truths, Not Self-Evident

Many of my friends with babies keep pointing the Truth of Things Formerly Considered Bullshit (Melinda does this regularly on her blog; her most recent revelation is that toddlers really do have well-developed personalities despite the somewhat Baby Einstein nature of this claim. And I totally believe her, because Melinda rocks. Also this concept doesn't seem so far-fetched to me.)

Now that I am in a committed partnership (sounds lame and probably inappropriately heavy, but still preferable, I think, to "serious relationship"), I am also uncovering many truths. For example: daily contact does not preclude the need for quality weekend time. In the past, when my coupled friends would imply this, I'd be all disbelieving, thinking: you see your spouse every single day - how can you say you don't spend enough time together? I now understand that the time between roughly 8:00-11:00 PM on weeknights, while lovely, by definition includes meal preparation/consumption/clean up, bathing activity, and other sundry details that need to get taken care of. Quality time it usually ain't.

I also had difficulty understanding the territoriality and frustration instilled by holidays. When friends complain about some tradition or another, or speak wistfully of how they'd rather do things, I've always wondered why they just do their own thing. Now I know. This week was Passover, and I really wanted to host a seder with OM. Each of us has hosted in the past, and enjoyed having our respective friends over for an event in keeping with our own beliefs and traditions. By which I mean: I've hosted vegetarian seders, with all-English Haggadahs (text) with feminist undertones; and he's done more traditional stuff with Hebrew readings and stricter interpretation of the dietary laws. We wanted to co-host this year but then family obligations (both mine and his) foiled our plans. I was deeply disappointed; it was twice as many conflicts as there would have been in the past. Oh well, I said to OM. Maybe next year. He looked at me kindly and pointed out that we'll probably never be able to host our own seder, because we'll always have two sets of parents wanting us to visit. But my parents are reasonably flexible on this stuff, I ventured. Apparently, OM's are not. They will expect us at Thanksgiving and Passover every year. My hackles were raised. Thanksgiving? My favorite holiday, when my mom makes the best. food. ever?

This is such an infinitesimal price to pay for all the loveliness in this relationship, and for the fact that both of our families are respectful, kind, and supportive. (Although when I told my mom that I am going to try to observe the holiday for the first time this year, and avoid eating wheat and leavened products for eight days, she freaked out and wanted assurance that OM and his family aren't trying to undo my secular upbringing.)

All I'm saying is that I'm starting to get this now.

P.S. J.A.C.: If you want to talk neuro stuff, feel free to email me via the blog!

Posted by Dori at 6:53 PM