Strongly Worded

A Seat at the Table

I've been looking for a new dining room table for over a year, because my current one is too small and flimsy. Also, its surface is pocked. A few years ago, a poorly installed lighting fixture crashed down on it, and then I scratched it during a very misguided attempt to use a rotary cutter for a craft project.

After an extensive and unsuccessful search for a used table on craigslist, I decided to buy a new one. I saw and loved the saber legged saloom table at Circle Furniture, but wanted to comparison shop at the behemoth Jordan's, a local chain that, in a frenzy of randomness, operates a trapeze school, IMAX theatres, and 4-D rides at its various stores.

OM accompanied me on this mission, and we experienced Relationship Growth. I had my first epiphany during the drive, when we realized that we had forgotten to measure the dining room. OM assuaged his annoyance by stating that it mattered less, because we hadn't planned to actually buy a table that same day. And I snapped into disagreement, because I would have happily bought a table that same day. In fact, that was my hope. I'd explored options for over a year and checked out one good option (of the saber legged variety); I expected that the current undertaking would result in either a purchase, or the conviction that the earlier table was "the one." We argued amicably, then entered the store. Out of the maybe 40 tables in the showroom, my laser-like decor sensibility zeroed in on three candidates. During my search, OM spoke to the salesperson about standard measurements, seating, and other technicalities (issues that would never have occurred to me - I was focused completely on the style and size). I showed him my picks and he rejected one of them out of hand. I felt OK with that, but then underwent epiphany #2: I don't get to unilaterally choose the table. I'm in a couple, and I will never again make a major purchase unilaterally. I have to admit: this sucked a little bit.

We considered each option very carefully, and then found a deeply discounted floor model (only $400!) in the wrong color. We discussed (with occasionally raised voices) whether buying it made any sense. While I adamantly believe in buying gorgeous expensive furnishings as soon as you can afford them, OM is willing to buy items of intermediate quality until we settle into a more permanent living arrangement. When we buy our dream house, he reasons, we'll spend the money on a table that fits in the dream dining room and coordinates with the dream flooring. Why spend the money on something that matches, and fits into, a room in the current rented apartment? I argued that our table candidates are flexible enough in color and size to complement any home, and that buying the cheaper temporary table will increase the cost of the ultimate purchase by $400.

We became crabby and adjourned for lunch (at the Olive Garden. Don't hate. I love the chain-y goodness that is the OG, and I love the salty, oily, unlimited iceberg salad). At which point OM introduced new possibilities and new questions. What, exactly was wrong with the current table? Would the proposed candidate tables solve all of the problems? Were there solutions other than buying a big new table that could solve said problems?

Over unlimited garlic breadsticks, another epiphany took hold. Options and ambiguity make me anxious and impatient, and led me to dismiss OM's ideas somewhat snarkily. Limiting choices stresses OM out, leading him to express his ideas in a somewhat heavy handed fashion. A very meta discussion ensued, in which we acknowledged these differences. Over a bottomless bowl of minestrone soup, we chilled out.

In the end, I conceded that we really did need the dining room measurements, and we tabled the purchase (ha). And as we zipped through the show room on the way out of the store, we spontaneously admired this rug, which was not on the shopping agenda. Unanimously, we decided to buy it.

It was very satisfying to come to a shared decision. I am happier with the rug because we both chose and loved it. A unilateral decision might be faster and easier, but a unanimous one is likely to be better. We're still researching options for special ordering a dining set, and still mulling over our different decision-making processes. I may not get my first-choice color or style. But whatever we end up with, I'll love it more if OM does, too.

Posted by Dori at 10:50 AM