Strongly Worded

Fitness and Firmness

My women's gym is fairly schmancy. It features flowers in the locker room and free sanitary products. Also it has "stations" with blow-dyers (including diffusers), Q-tips, and lotion that is supposedly derived from something natural, organic, and environmentally friendly.

On Sundays I typically partake in an event known as 20/20/20, which is a mash-up of 20 minutes each of step aerobics, strength training, and a surprise. Often I hate the surprise (if it is kickboxing or evil athletic drills). But sometimes it is fun, like today: "fitness flashback" (old-school low-impact exercises set to awesome 80s music). The class is taught by a goddess we'll call Tania. I have a girl crush on Tania. She is pretty in a wholesome yet edgy way, if such a thing is possible, and she wears real clothes (as opposed to stretchy workout gear), and she is encouraging and enthusiastic without being peppy or boot-camp-scary. I find this magical. I believe I am not the only one. Tania's classes tend to be pretty packed.

Today the class was absolutely mobbed, and when Tania introduced "directional changes" to a routine set to Phil Collins' Su-su-sudio, I feared for my safety. Why was it suddenly so crowded?

Turns out I have a groupon to thank. Recently a super-cheap gym (ridiculously cheap, on the order of $12 a month) opened across the street, and that, combined with the Bally's across the other street, and the new Boston Sports Club a few blocks away, may have spawned the groupon. This is a new deal that allows random people to take classes at my gym for $1 per class, whereas I pay a hefty monthly fee for the use of lockers, equipment, and personal space, all of which have become scarce. The groupon lasts until April so this may provide the excuse I need to avoid the gym altogether.

Luckily, I have an alternative. Remember the Firm? No, not the book. The 80s fitness routine. I got a Firm DVD at TJ Maxx for $2.49 a few weeks ago, and it is pretty good. It is also hilarious. The people wear leg warmers, high-top sneakers, and those thong leotards over tights. There is a token person of color in every shot, and often the shot includes a stray microphone or camera element. Muzak plays. The "studio" has Botticelli-inspired artwork and the people do their stretching on "oriental" rugs. Obviously, without Tania, no work-out is complete, but the hilarity and the significantly ass-kicking moves almost makes up for the loss.

Posted by Dori at 10:56 PM